It's been a year. I no longer have your scent in my nose or your voice in my head. You're a distant memory - a memory I wish I could completely erase.
I gave you my 20's. The years where I'm supposed to be finding myself and exploring everything. No, I held onto you for dear life and ignored the ocean between us and the years that were passing.
As you continuously let me down, I made excuses for you. As you talked down to me about my fucking body, I continued to make excuses for such harsh words. The last time we fucked I started to cry because all I could hear were the words you had said the year before. You acted as if I was crazy for still thinking about it.
You were never good for me. You were a comfort and a ticket to the country I've wanted to live in since I was a child.
I'm not bitter or sad in the least - I'm fucking ELATED. I will never get that time back, but I found myself in other ways. I also got to explore a bit and realized I'm good y'all, thanks! I've seen that men (maybe just 1 IDK) can be caring and kind without expecting anything in return. I've had to unlearn a lot and I'm still working on so much when it comes to relationships, but I think I'm close to figuring it out (as much as one can). My heart feels open again.
I know I will think about you randomly for the rest of my life. But they aren't fond memories. You are the picture of what I never want again. You are a lesson I learned and never want to repeat.
No comments:
Post a Comment