Tuesday, June 18, 2019

5/17/2019

I was in the same position just a few months ago. Different side of the bed, same blank state as my eyes welled up and I pushed out another load of sobs. I wanted to die. I wanted the bed to suck me in so the pain would stop.

Autumn was right around the corner. So much was ahead of me and I had no idea. You, my surgery - life. I chose to live. I never regret that decision. It led me to you, to healing, to being able to look back while now in the middle of spring and see how far I've come.

But now I have to feel this again. With the same album on and the same tears in my eyes. I know my bed won't envelop me and that even through the heaviest of cries I'm going to open my eyes and still be alive.

But I'm glad for that now.

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I need a thing I can do really well that isn't just loving people.